andrea_sperelli (andrea_sperelli) wrote,

From the Farmyard known as

(To enlarge, click on the image).

I have attempted an Anatomy of Gus in order to reveal the monstrous yet pathetic defects of what tries, unsuccesfully, to pass as his evening clothes. In the image on the left we have Gus au naturale, whereas in the second I have added a diagram which, though seemingly complex, is rich in significance.
Let's begin with the collar: it is too low for such a thick neck. Gus is, in my opinion, a example of the classic sort of taurine American man. The lowness of the collar can only lead me to believe that it is neither detachable nor starched, that is to say the sort of North American rubbish made for the use and consumption of third-rate businessmen.
In the close-up, we can see how the collar of the tailcoat sticks out in an ill-fitting fashion. The tailcoat collar actually lifts up and literally detaches itself from the shirt as though strangely horrified by it. This means that the tailcoat (we are dealing with the tailcoat at the moment) is either pret-a-porter of the most dismal quality, or it's been made by tailor who's all thumbs.
The lapels: The bad quality of this photograph saves Mr. Goose from certain considerations. Are those peak lapels (marked in green) or a shawl collar (marked in red)? I hope it's not a shawl collar- (a real disaster for a tailcoat); a reflection visible near that horrid pink carnation makes one fear that the worst may be true.
Let's look further down: even here the poor photograph doesn't let us make much out. Gus knows that a tailcoat ought to be cut high across the waist so that a bit of waistcoat peeks out below it. Or does he? His vest is terribly long, long enough even to show off an unfortunate shirt-front sporting four obscene buttons, whereas everyone knows that one should shows off either one button or three. And yet no vest edge appears below the waistline of the tailcoat. I have a sudden doubt: could Mr. Goose be wearing a black morning coat rather than a tailcoat? Such a melange of civil uniform is enough to give one gooseflesh.

We took an interest in the vest; let's take a closer look. It really is too long, even for a man like him. Either he cherished a passion for low-waisted pants in his youth, which has lead him to show off an amusing triangle of underlinen between the vest and the edge of the pants, or the usage of suspenders is alien to him and (Dio mio Dio mio...) he is wearing a belt!

The proportions of the ensemble are entirely off: low collar, large shoulders, a long vest that's overly décolleté, low-hanging pants with high hems (the hems may be the only thing he got right, though the overall result is rather amusing.) Hence the Gus Goose effect.

In sum: if this is a dandy, then I'm currently tanning on a beach in Prague.

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